How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
what the fuck happened to the tacos
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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