Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
