I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
