You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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