Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
