Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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