That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
