If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
