Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize