I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
