Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
