Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
