This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
