Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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