i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
