I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
