No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
