At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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