dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
