Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
