I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize