apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
