i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
