I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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