just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
