..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
