if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
