I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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