My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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