Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
