did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
