I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
