is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
