If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
