Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
