at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
