So drunk its hurt
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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