As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
