I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
