I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it was like his penis was on wheels.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
