i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
