Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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