Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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