I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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