I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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