I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He better not be in your backpack
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
