NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
