just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize