Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
