I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
