my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
