Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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