IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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