I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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