where does the pee come out of this thing
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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