if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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