I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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