did you get engaged???
I think I won the penis lottery.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
