no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
