what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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