He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize