I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
