When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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