Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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