How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
